Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow hoody-wearing layabouts such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but hoody-wearing layabouts have this week been revealed as causing obesity.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps hoody-wearing layabouts would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police who this week said, "I like sponge".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that causing obesity is acceptable behaviour.